grey

As the trains ran late in a frustrated wait

I danced and pranced towards the gate

I ran to him kicking my case and shawl

In anticipation of a hug afront them all…

As winters cease, my workload grows

The laptop groans under a heavy dose

My nights are dry, and his are dryer still

I wake up shuddering to the morning chill

January blues, its foggy dusk

Memories all a wisp of rusk

The heartburns pierce the side of my skin

My lungs get no air to breathe within

Today as i stopped my bike

Alongside the street

And watched the fog settling down its beat

Home suddenly seemed far away

My cheerful spirit was far from gay

Only moments like this in its undefined hue

Would stay with me forever true

Barca-tey kyu...khoya khoya chand ...

it is 2.54 am here now, and i was walking outside my hostel with a cig in hand. 
the sky was clear
and the moon was bright
i sat down somewhere in the open,
on a brick lane and
gazed at the stars..
are the constellations same in barcelona, i wondered..
and then the moon blinked at me
as if in full acceptance of what i feel
she said, fool that you are, the stars are out in barca
and he is possibly studyng his arse off
go sleep and think no more..
so i go up, blew her a kiss and walked the 12 yards back to my room..
the corridors were deserted..
the chill is just creeping in the air
there is a graceful nip stinging the face
even the frogs have gone down their holes
and the kittens are snoozing under the water cooler
only i lonely lass
smitten by your charm,
sleep no more
raise no alarm
silently sit and gaze at the star
distant..
in the distance
thats where you are.....

Amloki konya

sudhu dhu dhu prantor

ar shongey durey,

tire r bege chutey cholechey surjo nicher dikey…

gari tao chutchey

kintu

mon chutey choley aro jorey…

bhabna ta baje bhabey predictable

alpo khoner alaper moton tibro

othocho

khola mather dhulor moton

tarey ami chutey paina…

galey ghosey jae tar choya

hath foshkey jawa roddur er moton

tumio foshkey gele

into the sunset

kono clint eastwood er wild west er cinema moton

shudhu nayok na, ghora chorey amar nayika

kete porlo amae fele rekhe

ar ami shei je kete porlam dilli’r golitey

ajo poth khuje beriye ashtey parlam na

ma dakey – cha khabi to aye

baba boley – portey bosh

kichutei jeno mon lagey na boss

pora khub kothin

tel diye gachey othar moton

uthtey gelei pichley jai

din ta chilo budhbar

dupur dupur lep rodhrey dewar shomoy

dekhlam tomae

tumio chiley chaadey

amloki r bori rakhchiley

ami dekei chilam

mone mone

tomar shonar kotha noy

dak-ta je hariye gelo oi chhad e jete jete

ar tumi phone kaney j kar uddeshye

mishti thont bekiye heshe cheye roiley amar dikey,

ami bhyabachyaka hoye gelam

surjo ta dubeo rodh jhilik dichchey

ki tej bap re,

ajo garir kacher gaye thot rekhe

mone hoy tumi jeno hashcho amae dekhe

amae dekhe, na amar opore

chotto smriti,

chotto rong

bhashan er din heshe hath dhorey mishit khaiyechiley

amar naam tao ki mone pore tomar…

chute choley sumo

chotey pash diye bok

aar mon...

shhe to chutei choley.

a love letter

u know,
i wept last night
again.
maybe i'll miss hostel
but you know the truth more than i do
i'll miss you.
recently it has become a metabolism
without which sleep is impossible
but i guess you do not know
maybe someday you will understand the
sadness behind those tears
futile half hearted love
going away is a process
i cannot explain
its like tearing a liver out of your system
or maybe a nose
with which you have grown so used to breathe
im going home to a group of people who love me so
but you will be left alone
maybe i'm wrong
with 85 other residents
not so alone then
watch girls come and go as much as you like
watch people eat, play, laugh
watch the days go by and dusk set in
like we used to
sitting up on the terrace with a spire of smoke
coming from the fag end of the cigerette
the dlf lights...an eye sore
place for elite unthinking insensitive crowds
but this terrace was solely for us
i felt like a king of the world
with you beside me
you laughed and told me to study
thats what you always did
study
loads of things to do in life
as if i had none...
as if running up to see you and spend time with you
left me not working myself..
as if...but love,
i keep my work aside with a clean head
because i donot want to think while im there
its rest time
indulging the brain to fly and unravel
in its empty glory
you refused to hold my hand last night
you refused to even look
let alone make love
you refused to...
a tiny fear which had bubbled up burst inside
and i turned away to face the wall
atleast it looked back at me
unlike you

i know you will not understand
you're not meant to.
still i love you.
i always have.
yours
oyn.

Race

As you know and i do
this year is about to end in June
the dry summer will be drier still
when i will leave against my will...
of this winter chill i love the air
i let the wind kiss back my hair
its icy cold, but i do not care
once this is gone 
the truth will be too much to bear


As i know and you do too
my throat grows parched
at the thought of you...
the seconds tick their time away
a deadline set in the month of may
its one race i will never win,
its one silent plea amidst the din,
its one heartbreak,
its one lost match,
its one budding story
that will never hatch.

A solitary lamp

...

remember that night 

of colors so bright

in darkness we lay

with a lamp giving us light..

i hated the day

but i loved the dawn

in your arms, my dear

in your arms so strong...

remember that night

of crackers and cake

of young souls and ghouls

all taking a break..

i loved the dark

i loved when stars came

but i loved it best

when you whispered my name...

remember next day

when you were asleep

i woke up long before

making memories to keep

i gazed at your lips

i gazed with sheer love

closed my eyes for a prayer

to the heavens above

but you opened your eyes

to glance at my stare

to cross a warm finger

along my long hair...

my heart stopped in place

it ceased to strike right...

you pulled me closer

with a scrumptious delight...

i mumbled and fumbled

my words were all wrong

you swirled me and twirled me

and sang me your song...

chawa pawa, na hariye jawa...

ami notun pother pothik

sudhu jatra ta jey bhul

pother pashey hajar ta

murchhe jaoya ful...

tomar mukh bheshe ele

boi er faakey dilam fele

ami achi mogno hoye

sudhu hariye gele tumi

Shonai

and what did you just say?
you being a student of literature, you couldn't express yourself better?
my dear...my darling shonai,
it was a beautiful evening and will last forever
last time we visited the woods, it had been dark,
leaves rustling in our fall,
rocks standing bare gazing stonily while we sat and smoked,
trying to distinguish the planes which swept across the sky
leaving a twinkling trail in the clouds...

and this time,
amidst the bottles and the crowd,
you held my hand while we traversed back to our nook
feeling giddy with pleasure that we found the same hidey hole
we gazed up at the sky.
only in place of the planes, i saw the mute moon.
you held my hand as you took me in your arms
i felt 6 years fall back as i lifted my face...
Canteen, Quadrangle, Baddy, Derozio Hall,
the entire college flashed past me
and i wondered for a split second if you felt the same...
did you ever feel the same back then?
and when i thought i would die without you, did you care?
life moves on someone had told me
but was it possible to love even after letting go?

you eased me on you while erasing the doubts off my face
you sang your song of love
"o' friend, thou hold me close and fulfill me with yourself..."
stone to stone and grass to grass
flesh to flesh and lips to pass
gently then..
and more fierce with each breath...
fiery and fiery still...

the phone lit up in its uncanny white light
suddenly jolting me back to my senses in the dark...
standing up with jittery feet but with a timeless unquenched urge
i turned and ran...
you poor soul, standing aghast in the moonlight
tried to reach out with a cry.
but i had gone.
long long time ago.
someday when you had broken my heart.

Proposal

What if the sky burst forth, in white, and blows a gloomy gale?
What amidst the stormy night we decide to set sail?
What if the rolling hills of Kent be green and orchards red?
What if I played a peek-a-boo among the pillows in your bed?
What if the daisies down my lane droop in a sultry line?
What if I go down on my knees and ask you to be mine?
What if you gather me in your arms and love me till I cry?
What if our love is a beautiful dream, would you love me till I die?
What if I love you more than words?
More than the lips could say?
More than time could give me a chance?
More than you could pray?
More than you could ever love me,
More than my breath each day?

Soppy Love Lorn Lass

The dawn saddens me
for you are not near
The sunset depresses,
for you are not here.
Around me beside me,
you are not there.
Your absence denies
good spirit and cheer,
Soft mellow sweetness,
where are you my dear?
Twilight is ruthless,
moondust a pain.
To not have you by me,
I shall go insane.
Oh’ do you love me?
Then give me a sign...
Bleeding red roses,
oh, say you will be mine...
When you are there
sun shines so dazzling above
With you I find gladness,
and peace, o my love.

Getting David Thomson

The skies were gloomy and crowded,
But when I saw you,
Sunlight streaked across my face
You came,
Mellowing my heart with your warmth
You came,
With open arms and wild words
I lonely lass
Smitten by your charms
Set out like young Lochinvar
On quests untold
As your pages unfold...

Of Red And Gold

Don’t know why
Time doesn’t fly
Mothballs shrink
Making me think
Of goose and gander
And violet lavender
Don’t see why
Don’t you and I
Go walking down slow
Through burnt bricks long ago
Through forests of ash
And nights of black
And carpet mosses
Before we come back
Don’t find why
I need to cry
Without your hand to hold
Without every smooth fold
Of yours to kiss and so
Want more and more, you know...
Want your arms to keep me tight
Without a single fight, I will forever be good
Through untold hazards, you’ll see
Your love’s my strength, so maybe
That’s why I’ll actually be.

All Said And Done

All in a day’s work and done
Do you ever miss the fun?
Of going to the fair
Visit bunnies’ and vixens’ lair?
Do you miss fishing too?
Sitting by the waters blue?
Frolicking through hill and glen?
Wishing you were a kid again?
At the end of the day
There is a lot to say
And work just being inches away
You still hunt out some time for me
Sacrificing what would have been
Some useful means of toil and task
It’s more than I could ever ask!
Wish I could help you with your load now,
Dearest buddy
I do wish somehow.

Picking Brain

I had a dream last night
And a sweet one it was too...
Walking down the dull street
Among the din and throng,
Amidst the countless faces,
Where I didn’t belong
I simply stood at crossroads
To cross to the other side
When out of nowhere suddenly
A tram came rushing by
Another whizzed past by my back
Could have knocked me off my feet
When by luck, fate or god knows what
Hands hauled me into it.
Saddened yet relieved my saviours were,
Faces as white a snow,
Hair which had trapped the sun
A long long time ago
Swindled of money and of mirth
They had no story to tell
They had enough of the “city of joy”,
They were returning to their hotel
I rode in peace
I rode in quiet
Not knowing what to say
Not knowing that two lustrous eyes
Were gazing in my way
The Tram stopped
So did the sun
At an absurd angle I say –
“Alas my friends, I have to go
I have to go away...”
The coal lined eyes had a tongue too,
And a timbre quaint yet known
Of tulips and daffodils,
Of rills where wind had blown...
“Won’t you come with us, o kind sir?
Won’t you come with us to stay? ...”
Her beauty tore at my heart
She took my breath away...
I stood upon the pavement
Too numb to even try.
She stepped down slow but gallantly
She stepped down to my side
Enveloping me in her embrace
She kissed me soft and long
She reminded me of alpine hills
And of the nightingale’s song
I had an urge to pull her back
And to never let her go
To know her pain
To know her smile
This love of mine to show...
A farewell gift with me to stay,
Her name...
I donot know.

A Prayer In Darkness

The moon swept across the sky,
The night was clear and I tried to watch out for a shooting star.
They say your wishes come true
If you wished upon a falling star...my shooting star, it’s true.
They say on a night of crystal blue,
Only if you chanced upon a light pink star,
My shooting star, it’s true.
Far above would it shine
And with a smile on my face,
Would I look up to the heavens ablaze,
With a silent prayer for you,
My love, my dear – it’s true.
A wish that you might succeed
A wish that god may look after you,
And you be never in want or need,
You are the best of man and men
You are my love, my life,
May you stand up for truth and forever be free
With this peace of mind, I survive.
You are my star – the man of my dreams
My god – my hero divine,
In you I find solace, bliss and my worth
You are my champion of time.

Letters (The last)

There’s no ornamentation
In what I say.
Nothing to praise him.
I just feel this way.
He has no heart.
I am nothing to him.
And never will be.
He has written from his soul
To other women,
But he will never write to me.
All I had wished for,
Was a love letter...
Don't think he
Took me seriously.

Letters.

A mad rush
To the bin
A flurry of mail
And adrenalin.
A whole day
Doused in excitement and
Regret.
Uncoloured pictures,
Unsaid thoughts
Left buried
Under my pillow
In bed.
Maybe in the next one.
So the sun set out
Into the next sky,With a cheeky grin.

The Letter.

Lying in bed,
Lazing at noon,
A perambulator of thoughts
Creak in and out
With the sun’s last rays.
Hands move towards the desk.
Plain paper and my pen.
Thoughts flow.
Thoughts ebb and
Flow again.
Till pages are no more.
The soul is sore
Tis almost dusk
The heat and loo have gone
As quickly as they’d
Clamped down.
Sublime sunset

Through my window,
And you
Far away.
Time for studies again.

Of Dragons And Butterflies

Team up with me one day
Dragons and butterflies alike,
I promise we'd go out to play

Team up with me whole june
We'd romp about open fields
and rest in the shade at noon
We'd roll aboutin bracken and heather
and play catch with dad's leather
Time wouldnt pass so soon..

Team up with me, my love,
I'd build a treehouse for you,
and sprinkle you with blossoms from above
I'd saw out a tool
and hang a swing,
I'd weave a tiara,
and bring out aring,
i'd hold your hand
and lead you -
to the most hauntingly
beautiful view.
Just , team up with me,
my love... Nothing is
the same without you!