a love letter

u know,
i wept last night
again.
maybe i'll miss hostel
but you know the truth more than i do
i'll miss you.
recently it has become a metabolism
without which sleep is impossible
but i guess you do not know
maybe someday you will understand the
sadness behind those tears
futile half hearted love
going away is a process
i cannot explain
its like tearing a liver out of your system
or maybe a nose
with which you have grown so used to breathe
im going home to a group of people who love me so
but you will be left alone
maybe i'm wrong
with 85 other residents
not so alone then
watch girls come and go as much as you like
watch people eat, play, laugh
watch the days go by and dusk set in
like we used to
sitting up on the terrace with a spire of smoke
coming from the fag end of the cigerette
the dlf lights...an eye sore
place for elite unthinking insensitive crowds
but this terrace was solely for us
i felt like a king of the world
with you beside me
you laughed and told me to study
thats what you always did
study
loads of things to do in life
as if i had none...
as if running up to see you and spend time with you
left me not working myself..
as if...but love,
i keep my work aside with a clean head
because i donot want to think while im there
its rest time
indulging the brain to fly and unravel
in its empty glory
you refused to hold my hand last night
you refused to even look
let alone make love
you refused to...
a tiny fear which had bubbled up burst inside
and i turned away to face the wall
atleast it looked back at me
unlike you

i know you will not understand
you're not meant to.
still i love you.
i always have.
yours
oyn.