Race

As you know and i do
this year is about to end in June
the dry summer will be drier still
when i will leave against my will...
of this winter chill i love the air
i let the wind kiss back my hair
its icy cold, but i do not care
once this is gone 
the truth will be too much to bear


As i know and you do too
my throat grows parched
at the thought of you...
the seconds tick their time away
a deadline set in the month of may
its one race i will never win,
its one silent plea amidst the din,
its one heartbreak,
its one lost match,
its one budding story
that will never hatch.

A solitary lamp

...

remember that night 

of colors so bright

in darkness we lay

with a lamp giving us light..

i hated the day

but i loved the dawn

in your arms, my dear

in your arms so strong...

remember that night

of crackers and cake

of young souls and ghouls

all taking a break..

i loved the dark

i loved when stars came

but i loved it best

when you whispered my name...

remember next day

when you were asleep

i woke up long before

making memories to keep

i gazed at your lips

i gazed with sheer love

closed my eyes for a prayer

to the heavens above

but you opened your eyes

to glance at my stare

to cross a warm finger

along my long hair...

my heart stopped in place

it ceased to strike right...

you pulled me closer

with a scrumptious delight...

i mumbled and fumbled

my words were all wrong

you swirled me and twirled me

and sang me your song...

rehab

door,
you close yourself on me, 
crossing my threshold you choose to seek 
a room of blank moans
of the starving souls...
dust and heat,
and i retreat
into the black abyss of 
those days from which i thought
i recovered long ago.
hands stretched out they scream my name
and abuse what i had been,
what i am..
am i the same?...
...
door, 
you close upon me 
without a slit of a breeze
without a gap or space
you pound the half risen thoughts to a pulp
and i gulp
terror welling up within
tears clasping
relapsing
into a sodden mould
of nothingness
...
door, 
the latch turns you solid
i can't waste away again
it is too white for my taste
the bed, clothes and chair...
i need sunlight not a tube,
i need love not lube, 
i ask for the key, not the strength
...
door, 
let me out once again...

Nostalgia

Your words cut across the green glades of my thoughts
like a solitary bell tolling on the hill...
i wonder if you feel the urge drowning the love...
in this parched spell from above
i simply yearn for you still.

loose trail of thoughts in sail

i sit and dream of the warm yesternight
and i wonder if it should made me cry
tears, they ebb, they do not come
and i fail to bring out what i should feel
too numb to even try
while pain hasn't hit me yet
it is the shock which keeps me still kicking

in the dead of the night.

Trapped

Surrender to him.
Oh, are you blind or do you not see how this mesh of sin engulfs you in perpetual doom?
Abominable.
Not me, you!
Rather the way you deal with the maggots of fate
Don’t go chasing the shadows slinking behind the already damp walls.
Instead, run towards the door
The bulb... Check if the filament is read to last a lifetime
Only then will there be light.
Right
If not, well there’ll always be him,
The rest will be easy.
You won’t have to pay your bills to him next month.
The young pupa blossoming into a butterfly...
The hairy tarantula had its eyes on you from quite some time now
Whoa – the story of the butterfly and the spider.
At least that’s how the others will put it.
The woeful tale of him and you
So heil him
Marble is ravaged by the atrocities of time, and so shall you be,
But with a slight difference
Time is intangible, harmonious, and a healer.
Pain is not.
Suffer then, what can be said now?
It’s written all over your fate...i mean face.
Oh girl, why did you have to rant a room in this obnoxious hell in the first place?!!

Under Clouds, Amidst Clothes

This time I had a dream
And you bet that it was fun!
I had been on the terrace flitting about in the sun
Hung out there to dry were bedsheets, and clothes in blue
Trousers green and knickers red
A sight too good to be true
Amidst all this wetness with my hair let down to dry
I was soaking up the sun and the breeze which passed me by
Without warning suddenly, I was harshly turned around
Gleaming eyes with a hint of mischief, was exactly what I found
I rushed out of your grasp running amidst the linens white,
Giggling and laughing silently
I disappeared from your sight!
No cajoling could bring me back
I wanted to tease you so
I spied on you constantly and then I saw you go
Gone was the sun, the sky turned black
A million droplets fell
I hurried out from my hiding place
For I had something to tell
You seemed crosser than the thunder clouds
And not a smile could I even find
I ran up to you for a hug
“Oh darling, did you mind?
Don’t you know that I’d been teasing you?
Don’t you simply know?
How I long to be there in your arms,
Won’t you love me so?”...
The rain came down instantly
We were drenched to the bone
Silently ‘twas all forgotten
Only his ours eyes shone

Me Myself And I

The sun set across the sky,
The birds fly to their nests,
And I?
Flatly refuse to go home.
Home?
Home is where the heart is,
My heart has long forsaken me
Atleast for this season it has flown south
My heart warms itself by the golden sands of the Nile
This bitter cracked soil is not where it should lie
And I?
Drone on with selfish calculated precision
Each metabolic activity is making me pay
I try to grasp the slanted sunlight
But weakness gives me away
Home is where the heart is,
And I have no heart to say.

Winter Love

Winter love,
They call it winter love,
Houses in the frost,
Covered by snow,
Blue sky and white road
Running till they meet somewhere in the distance...
No rhythm, no music,
No balm for my broken heart,
Just a sober sun,
Just a ruthless cloud,
Just a biting wind,
Knocking at my heart,
Tearing me apart, from the very start
Reminding me of him.
For he is gone,
Gone far away
To blue sky, black road, white foam.
To happy faces, in humid places
The promises ring in the air,
To come back again to me,
With silver scissor, mirror and bells
And coloured shells
The promises ring out clear.
Within the heart dwells
A strange joy.
A warmth never known before, and
A yearning, an impatient desire to see him again once more.

Miracle

Look,
Feel the infinite inestimable distance between you and me
Can you see the life blood draining upon those bloodless oleanders in the drowsy gardens of tomorrow?
Precious waste of conservable energy
That floweth soundlessly into the blue macrocosm of dark dreamy stars stuck to the ceiling overhead.
It is a wonder that I am alive...
It is a wonder that you are too.

Self Consolation For A Self Scorned Girl

I shall ride into the day
With the perseverance to stay
And the ability to kill
With my pen, my rack and steel
Upon the chrome I choose to bloom
Till time runs out, till daffodils set
Be it my waterloo, my doom.
Though the battle may wage wild,
Armours spent, and sabres filed
Giving up – I donot know,
Come hail, rain, storm and snow.
God be with me, and so be you,
For a long way I have to go.

Lonliness

Oh for a painless sleep, from wistful dilemma
Surrounded by rosy dreams whose depth I donot seek...
Oh for a pint of peace, amidst craving and desire...
Oh, elusive sleep, haunt me not further,
I am, but a recluse at thy door
Pray, step aside for I can stand it no more.
The bitter cold pavement is not for me,
Soft murmurs and as steady hand is all I seek.
Will thou abandon me now?
I have nowhere to go.
I have nothing to give.
No beauty. In vain I live.
Shadowy gloom mocks me mercilessly
Willest thou abandon me now?
I shall forever serve thee in my stride
Willest not thou open thy arms for me?
Speak beloved,
Speak...

Soltitude

The rains drench the dark soils
Drowning my heart in its spontaneous soliloquy
‘Tis pouring forth in unrestrained bursts of passion...
‘Tis cleansing my mind,
My soul.
All around me I feel a blankness surrounding me.
I know not what to think,
I know not what to do.
Where this night will take me, I do not know
All I know is that I need you.
I donot know why,
I donot know how...
I just need you to be here with me,
Here by me, now.
Biddest me not adieu,
Stay beloved.
Stay.

Indefeasible

Strange the ways of the world may seem,
Strange your and my steps
Stranger the hail which knocks at the pane
Strangest the moon which turns me insane...
Strange the ways of the world they are,
Strange you and me now
Still strangers today
This time and this place...
Strange...
I just don’t know how.

Fool's Paradise

It was raging a storm where I had been
Drenched to the bone when I came in
Moisture clung to the mirror wall
Steam gushed out of the taps to wash over me
Numbing me subtly of all provocation and pain
I climbed out to the window again
The frost had begun to thaw
The hot bath left me cold and shivering
My heart was hurt,
Emotions raw
I cry myself to sleep
Dampness closing in on me,
Memories I intend to keep,
Turning over in my loneliness to see...
I wished a shelter from the storm
A cosy fire to keep me warm
But most of all, when snowflakes fall
I wished you had loved me with your all.

Demented

I can never be sad
Even if I try to douse myself in morbidity
I know I won’t succeed
There’s this giggle loop which whoops
From the very depth of my gut
Wrenching out a laugh, a cry, or even a sigh!
But even now, I’m tangled up. Disturbed.
Methinks my lines rhyme not.
I tend to lose a thought
I don’t know what it is that haunts me
What if I shut my eyes, stop all thought
Give in to the warm dark currents of seduction...
I’m sacred that I might meet Death,
Whose lecherous lips,
Sadly, aren’t meant for me.

Footfalls And Fireflies

Amidst several thousand lies,
Amidst heartburns and goodbyes,
There rests a glutinous soul
Which hankers for love,
Which hankers for a role.
It sleeps throughout but when it wakes
A loud clanker it inevitably makes
Your serenity it breaks!
It glimmers as the last speck of hope,
Vanishing...
I grope about in the dark to search for your hand...
A misty vagueness reaches out
Engulfing me within
And I hear a footfall
Distant,
Far,
Leading me on to where you are.