almost Buck from the "The Call of the Wild"

puchua

its funny to be in an a.c hall

with lines of white computer facing longer lines of students

and there is a pin drop silence engulfing us

funnier is that i have come a long way

from the haven of those poor parents who shielded me from all decoy

from my brother's innocent questions

from another's care

and as i sit in this sterilized library 

amidst the teeming heartbeats,

i seep in the loneliness

does it reside in the mind or the heart only.. i wonder

and i wonder if i had been lonely throughout inspite

of what i had got down these years...

but the screen remains blank with no answer.

network failure, i say.

cast away

castaway

in your ocean of bliss

am left free to roam

free to feel and kiss...

castaway

in your sky i dive

dark and blue

and sometimes true

i need to die to feel alive.

rehab

door,
you close yourself on me, 
crossing my threshold you choose to seek 
a room of blank moans
of the starving souls...
dust and heat,
and i retreat
into the black abyss of 
those days from which i thought
i recovered long ago.
hands stretched out they scream my name
and abuse what i had been,
what i am..
am i the same?...
...
door, 
you close upon me 
without a slit of a breeze
without a gap or space
you pound the half risen thoughts to a pulp
and i gulp
terror welling up within
tears clasping
relapsing
into a sodden mould
of nothingness
...
door, 
the latch turns you solid
i can't waste away again
it is too white for my taste
the bed, clothes and chair...
i need sunlight not a tube,
i need love not lube, 
i ask for the key, not the strength
...
door, 
let me out once again...

chawa pawa, na hariye jawa...

ami notun pother pothik

sudhu jatra ta jey bhul

pother pashey hajar ta

murchhe jaoya ful...

tomar mukh bheshe ele

boi er faakey dilam fele

ami achi mogno hoye

sudhu hariye gele tumi

Shonai

and what did you just say?
you being a student of literature, you couldn't express yourself better?
my dear...my darling shonai,
it was a beautiful evening and will last forever
last time we visited the woods, it had been dark,
leaves rustling in our fall,
rocks standing bare gazing stonily while we sat and smoked,
trying to distinguish the planes which swept across the sky
leaving a twinkling trail in the clouds...

and this time,
amidst the bottles and the crowd,
you held my hand while we traversed back to our nook
feeling giddy with pleasure that we found the same hidey hole
we gazed up at the sky.
only in place of the planes, i saw the mute moon.
you held my hand as you took me in your arms
i felt 6 years fall back as i lifted my face...
Canteen, Quadrangle, Baddy, Derozio Hall,
the entire college flashed past me
and i wondered for a split second if you felt the same...
did you ever feel the same back then?
and when i thought i would die without you, did you care?
life moves on someone had told me
but was it possible to love even after letting go?

you eased me on you while erasing the doubts off my face
you sang your song of love
"o' friend, thou hold me close and fulfill me with yourself..."
stone to stone and grass to grass
flesh to flesh and lips to pass
gently then..
and more fierce with each breath...
fiery and fiery still...

the phone lit up in its uncanny white light
suddenly jolting me back to my senses in the dark...
standing up with jittery feet but with a timeless unquenched urge
i turned and ran...
you poor soul, standing aghast in the moonlight
tried to reach out with a cry.
but i had gone.
long long time ago.
someday when you had broken my heart.

Today at 10 am

The water, it falls with the silent rush of emotion

I lose track of time

The boys play cricket in a wet ecstasy which only they know

I am not part of it…

My mind is occupied elsewhere

Fever and blank verse strikes me from within

And I cannot understand the reason I donot feel the mirth that I should

Nothing comes straight,

Cloud, grey, wall, darkness reigns supreme

Its an irritation, an itch I cannot scratch

I'm left with nothing but the desire to sneeze!!!